Wait Expectantly

Recently, I've been thinking about something that happened several years ago involving my son and our little chihuahua, Buster. I feel led to share it with you, much like I do with other stories that 'nag' at my spirit. I do this because I hope that my stories will touch people and/or maybe strike a cord with them.

So, a few years ago.. ok ok.. several years ago... my son was about 6 years old and we hadn't had the dog for very long, I was sitting in the living room peeling a banana for my son. Buster was sitting on the floor in front of me, watching me peel the banana... not moving.

I kid you not, I think a bomb could have gone off and the dog would not have moved an inch.

Anyways, Buster sat and I peeled the banana. After a few seconds of being stared down by a dog no bigger than a rat and a half, I started to laugh and proceeded to talk to my son. I said "Zak... look at your silly dog. He's sitting there thinking I'm going to give him a piece of"... ok.. that's as far as I got in my sentence because right after the word "of", the top half of the banana fell off and landed on the floor.

I swear the dog looked at me and smiled, got up, walked over to the banana, picked it up and walked under the table to eat it.

Who's laughing now, eh?

I learned something from my dog that day. You see.. while I was preparing to feed my son, my dog decided that he was going to get some banana. He knew there was little point in begging so he just sat... but there was something in his look that said 'purpose'.... He was GOING to get some banana.

He was expectant... and he got what he expected.

Those of you who know me, know that I tend to be a very negative person. I tend to worry a lot and expect the worst for the most part.. even in just day to day life... and, ladies and gentleman, I tend to get EXACTLY what I expect.

Rather than acknowledge that my negative thinking might actually be affecting many of the outcomes in my life, it's been easier for me to say "See??? I told you so... I told you that was going to happen".

Friends, before words come out of our mouths, they are thoughts. Words have INCREDIBLE power. I urge you all to choose your thoughts and your words very carefully. I urge you to try to rise above your worry and fear. Rise above the negativity, regardless of what's going on around you.

Think positive thoughts and speak positive words. EXPECT good things to happen instead of bad things. Who knows? There might be something to all that after all. I know that I sure don't want to go through another 30 plus years missing out on good things and experiences because of my own negative thinking and words.

Just my two cents.

~~ Peace, LOVE and happiness ~~

Fear

Yesterday, I went to La Ronde in Montreal with my 14 year old son. The plan was to make a day of it and hit all of the rides... well.. ok.. MOST of the rides. I figured if I didn't try it now, I never would.

We arrived at the park and I was like a wide-eyed little girl.. maybe even a teenager. First off, the park is HUGE. Secondly... the rides. There wasn't much variety. Mostly roller coasters. I wanted to go on them.. I promise... but I couldn't because I had heart surgery a few years ago and so I actually can't.

In all honestly, though, I don't think I would have gone on a roller coaster even if I hadn't had heart surgery in the past. I'm simply too afraid.

My son and I wandered around the park for what seemed like hours.. stopping occasionally for breaks and to drink some water. At one rest place, I saw a 'ride' out of the corner of my eye. It was called Le Splash. Those of you who have been to La Ronde know which ride I'm talking about. It's basically a glorified log that seats about 20 people that goes up a hill, around a bend, and down a steepish hill in to a bunch of water, splashing everyone in the ride and those standing on the bridge above... amazing... fun... wet... cold.

I figured it would be fun.. I mean.. how dangerous could it possibly be? It's WATER!!

So, I fenagled my son into getting in line for Le Splash with me. (he really is a good sport). As we were standing in a long line of people, I noticed that my heart was pounding a little faster than normal. My hands were also getting kind of sweaty and my mind was racing with all kinds of questions:

What if I'm too heavy and the log won't go up the hill?

What if it tips over?

What if we hit a bump and fall out?

What if the ride stops partway through and we have to get rescued by the fire department?

What if... what if... what if.....?????

As the questions spun through my mind, the lineup to the ride got shorter and shorter and my heart was pounding faster and faster. Suddenly, I didn't want to go on the ride anymore and told my son I had changed my mind but when I turned to go back, there were more people behind us than there were in front and I had nowhere to move but ahead.

I thought I was going to die when the park attendant prodded us to move forward and get in to the log when it was our turn. I wanted to just swim across the entrance way and get out on the other side but I swallowed my pride and got in beside my son.

We sat down and pulled the seat belt as far as it would go (so it would fit around me) and sat tight.. me with my arm interlaced with my son's. The ride made a sickening jump and jolted forward and we were on our way.

First hurdle.. the ride up.... I moved as far forward as I could in my seat so as to use my weight to leverage and assist the log in going up the hill. (I didn't say fear made us think logical thoughts, did I?). I was gripping the bar in front of me to the point of turning my fingers a color more pale than their natural ghostly white color.

After what seemed like hours (but was really only about 30 seconds), we were at the top of the hill and nearing the curve. "OK", I thought. "I can do this". Then we rounded the corner and I couldn't see the track anymore.. only sky and the tops of the heads of the few people separating me from the front of the log. I had to close my eyes. I didn't want to see what was about to kill me. I just wanted it to be over.

I'm not sure what I screamed when our vessel went over and into the abyss (alright, already).. but it was something like "Holy Mary, mother of God.. I'm going to die!!!!" Actually, it probably wasn't that much because the ride was over before I could have uttered a full sentence. The fact is, though... the ride was NOT worth the amount of fear that I credited it with.

In fact, my fear lasted longer than if I had done the same ride three times... AND because my eyes were closed, I missed the whole ride.

Here's what I want to say. Friends, if you're afraid... truly afraid.... When you get to the height of your fear... the very pinnacle.. the place where you know that your stomach is going to jump in to your throat and your heart plunge to your shoes.... close your eyes.... tight.... hang on to the person closest to you for reassurance and ride it out.

Whatever you're afraid of will come to an end. You may even be surprised to know how much bigger your fear was in comparison to its cause.

Once you do that, the next time you face fear... you may actually be able to ride it out with your eyes wide open.

Far too many people have missed out on what could have been great opportunities because fear got and stayed in their way.

Just my two cents.

~~ Peace, LOVE and Happiness ~~

ps. Incidentally, before we left the park, I rode Le Splash again and only squinted. :o) I also tempted fate and went on another water ride, La Pitoune (I'll save that for another day).

What Makes the Man

It's not the car that makes the man

Nor is it his clothes

It's not the way he combs his hair

Or how much fame he knows.

It's not his posture nor his gait

That turns an anxious head

It's not the thickness of his brow

Or anything he said.

It's not about his status

Or position in this life

But more about his yearning

To have, with him, a wife

It is the hidden qualities

The stuff beneath the skin

That quickly grabs a woman's heart

Then slowly draws her in

It is his special talent

Of making her feel whole

By looking deep within her eyes

And seeing in her soul

It truly is his character

His rare ability

To hasten to his lover's side

And show integrity

It's in the passion of his grasp

His stance that never sways

Remaining with the one he loves

When others turn away

It is the one that shows his strength

By measure of his heart

And the will to see his lover

As a perfect piece of art

It's how he holds her in his arms

when she just needs to cry

The gentle stroking of her hair

while never asking 'why'

It's when he takes great pleasure

In laying down his pride

And cleaving to his lover

Remaining by her side

It is his great capacity

To help her when he can

And these are just some simple things

That truly make the man

©September 9, 2007

Kelly Irwin

Mirror Mirror

The first verse of this poem isn't mine. I heard it on tv and liked it and I wrote a poem around it.

Enjoy.

Kelly

Mirror mirror

On the wall

True beauty's not found

Here at all

It's not my eyes

It's not my chin

It's something hidden

Deep within

When I gaze in you

And see my face

I know that there's

A deeper place

A place that people

Cannot see

My heart, my soul

My inner 'me'

A place that longs

To touch, to hold

A place that hides

All pains, untold

A place that laughs

A place that cries

A place you can't see

With your eyes

The deepest place

Within my soul

That, without love,

Could not be whole

And so, sweet mirror

Upon my wall

Today I'll live

To give my all

From this day forth

I will impart

The endless beauty

Of my heart.

© Kelly Irwin

October 2002 Revised December 2005

Don't Fake What the Good Lord Gave Ya - Alternatively - Botox and Booties and Breasts, Oh My!!

I've been thinking... yeh.. I know.. I need a job. I think too much.

It seems that once we hit a certain age, we begin to obsess over all of the things that we don't like about ourselves. Our hair is too long, too short, too straight, too curly. Our butt is too big.. too small.. too round.. too flat. Our boobs.. well.. let's not go there, shall we? Sadly, the age at which this obsessive thinking starts is getting younger as time marches on.

It seems we come in to the world screaming.. go through it complaining and go out of it regretting. I'm thinking this really isn't a good thing.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not pointing fingers. I'm as guilty as the next person for looking at myself in the mirror and criticizing almost everything about myself. I'm working on changing the things that bother me the most mainly because of what they're doing to my health, more than what they're doing to my appearance now though.

I look at the lifestyles of the rich and famous. The uber-popular. The people that can't go outside without being blinded by the flashes of the paparazzi's cameras. They live in huge mansions.. vacation in huge cottages.. drive expensive cars.. eat expensive meals.. wear expensive clothes... you get the picture. What I'm seeing a LOT of them doing, however, is changing what God gave them. Mostly, their bodies. I mean.. seriously... do you think that Pamela Anderson Lee Anderson Rock Anderson Lee Anderson would be the same person without the implants?? I do... well.. kind of. I believe that she would be the same person.. but maybe just not as popular as she is now.

It seems the grass is always greener on the other side. Someone else always has something bigger... better... or, in my case... smaller. :) So... we spend our time and our energy wanting... wanting to have what they have... be who they are, etc.

Well.. I'm here to say that I'm sick of being this way and starting today I'm going to accept myself for who and what I am. I am still going to adopt a healthier lifestyle and pick up my exercise level... but I'm not going to obsess anymore about what might or might not happen as an end result. I'm just going to do it and love myself on the way to wherever it is I'm going. No more obsessing... no more regrets.. no more jealousy.

I mean.. we have psychiatrists to help fix the mind, cosmetic surgeons to help improve the body, teachers to help develop the brain, doctors to help heal our bodies and health... and the list goes on and on. I'm not going to try to put anyone out of business... I'm just saying.... I'm not going under the knife for any kind of changes.

I'm not going to burn holes through the faces of the pretty, slim young ladies with my jealous stares anymore. I am unique. There is nobody else like me in this whole world. I have no reason to want to be anyone else. I'm going to be 100% real!!! 100% ME!! Anyone care to join me?

~~ Peace, LOVE, and Happiness ~~

The Banquet

The Lord's banquet table

A sight to behold

Every place neatly set

For the feast

What an honour to dine

With the Saviour, I thought

As I quietly

Slipped underneath

The sound of the guests

Now arriving

Made me scared

As I sat there, alone

Jesus sat in the chair

Right beside me

Why did He not sit

On His throne?

The guests sat around me

By thousands

None had either

Worry or care

The room was full;

Brimming right over

Aside from just one

Empty chair

I quietly sat there

Just taking it in

The laughter and joy

All around

And, without a word

I hastily ate

All the food that would fall

To the ground

The laughter was all

So iinviting

It was hard not to shout

With sheer glee

Caught up in the jubilation

Above me

I brushed against

Jesus' knee

Suddenly, the whole room

Was silent

As Jesus slid back

In His chair

He looked at me

Under the table

Asking, "My child,

Why are you there?"

I said, "I'm not worthy

To eat with You, Lord

I'm content just to

Feast on Your scraps."

"My child," Jesus said

Reaching out for my hand

"In the world whence you came,

Yes, perhaps.

But here at My table

Are morsels so fine

There's mutton, there's

Manna, and stew

And there, My sweet child,

That one empty chair

Is the place I have saved

Just for you."

The Lord sat me down

At His table

And I ate there

With tears in my eyes

I saw, now, my value

To Jesus

His love for me

Was not disguised

Since that day

My outlook is changing

I see myself

Like Jesus does

When I'm feeling down

I am able

To gaze at the sky

Up above

I no longer sit

Under the table

I no longer feel

I'm the least

From now on, I'll dine

With my Saviour

At His savoury,

Succulent feast

When I dine with the Lord

In His Kingdom

I will no longer

Eat from the floor

Jesus has chosen

A place just for me

And so, now,

I will sup with the Lord

Kelly Irwin

© February 2, 2002

Revised August 1, 2010

Like God

We cannot take back

The hurtful words

That, one day,

Were angrily spoken

We cannot repair

The damage that's done

To a heart that's already

Been broken

We cannot hold back

Emotions run wild

When they've been released

From their cage

The sting will remain

From the slap of a hand

That struck out

In a moment of rage

We just cannot win

When we're spread out too thin

And constantly

Giving ourselves

The pieces we give

That once helped us to live

Stored up on the

Dusty old shelves

We cannot deny

When we've made someone cry

With a thoughtless

Word or deed

And we'll always regret

The times we pass by

A brother or sister

In need

But I'm here to say

Right now, on this day

There is hope

From our God above

If only we'll pray

A simple prayer

That He fill us with

His undying love

From this moment on

Lord, please help us to see

Each other through

Your loving eyes

Please help us to hold

With the strength of Your arms

And to hear

When a hurting soul cries

Let not our mouths speak

Through anger or hate

Nor with bitterness

Nor with pride

Let our whole being

Reflect Your love

That dwells with us

On the inside

Amen

Kelly Irwin

© April 12, 2002