God Forgives

I have been praying for a very long time as to whether or not I should share this poem because it deals with a very personal subject.  I am sharing it because I am not the only one who has had an abortion and I know that there are other people out there who are thinking about having one.

For those of you who think aborting a baby is 'an easy way out' or a convenient end to an unwanted 'problem', please read this.

In my situation, I didn't want to have the abortion but I have felt guilty for the past 19 years for not being more adamant about my decision to keep my unborn baby.

Once a baby is conceived, it is a living human being.. not just a foetus.  Know that I am not here to judge.  I just want people to go in to this with their eyes wide open and their spirits/souls alert.

God Forgives

Dear Lord, several years ago

I made a big mistake

And if I don't forgive myself

I fear my heart will break.

You see, I did not stand that day

Upon my firm belief

That everyone deserves to live

And now I'm filled with grief.

I numbly stood in disbelief

While others made the choice

I wanted just to scream, to cry

But could not find my voice.

They did not feel the life that I

Then had inside of me

They did not care to understand

Dear Lord, how could that be?

How could they simply not accept

The choice that I had made

To let that little baby live

Although I was afraid?

And where were they that lonely night

While I was wrenched in pain

And crying, as my baby kicked,

Then never moved again?

That night, O precious Father

I lost a part of me

A life that I had helped conceive

A life that would not be.

For several years, my Father

I've tried to hold the past

I've hoped and prayed with all my heart

The memories would last.

As painful as those times had been

The terrors never told

I needed to remember him,

The child I'd never hold.

Through these past years, my Father

I've felt an awful shame

A hidden anguish deep inside

I'd felt no prayer could tame.

But through Your loving kindness

With Your firm, loving hand

You've told me in Your quiet way

That You do understand.

That every tear I've cried away

My back against the wall,

You've cried right along with me

I was not alone at all.

A special person in my life

Is helping me to know

That I must leave my past to You

If I desire to grow.

They're helping me to realize

That You've forgiven all

And that You'll be right by my side

If I should ever fall.

And so this, day, Lord, though it's hard

To You, I freely give

My special, unforgotten child

So that he may now live.

And though my heart is breaking

As I say my last goodbye

I know my child is happy

Protected, at Your side.

I know you've both forgiven me

For what I had to do

I'm peaceful knowing, Father,

That I'm giving him to You.

But could I ask my Savior

Just one more thing alone?

Please tell him that I love him

And I'll see him when I'm Home.

Kelly Irwin

© September 18, 1998