My Habits are Highly Inconsistent with my Goals

Ok.. this is going to be long. In fact, you might not even be able to read the whole thing but I am going to give it the old college try just the same.

So, I've basically cursed sites like Facebook because of some of the ways that people open up on them ... I figure I probably curse them because I don't have the courage to open up myself.. so.. here goes.

I am in need of an accountability partner *or partners*.

I'm tired of putting only head shots on my profiles.

I'm tired of eating my emotions.

I need to be done with excuses for not following through on my weight loss goals.

I'm tired of struggling to get up a flight of stairs.

I'm tired of people examining my cart every time I do groceries.

I'm tired of making myself the target of my own jokes.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to jump off of a balcony to get in to a pair of jeans.

I'm tired of wearing black.

I'm tired of being afraid to go to sleep at night in case I don't wake up the next morning.

I'm tired of not fitting in chairs in the theater, restaurants and waiting rooms.

I'm tired of being fat.

Ok.. so there it is.

I am presently unemployed and not even sure in which direction my life is heading. Therefore, I cannot afford a gym membership or Weight Watchers or any similar weight loss program. I definitely cannot afford a personal trainer. I am alone and I have to find another way to tackle this problem. Not an easy feat when you have nobody to be held accountable to.

So... anyways.. there you have it. I need help... prayers.. anything. I KNOW that my weight is the crux of 3/4 of my issues right now.. so.. if anyone has any suggestions.. or is willing to help, please let me know.

Thanks everyone.