Out of Sight Out of Mind

Today, I did something that I have a very bad habit of doing. I went and checked the mail before I went to run a few errands downtown.

When I looked in the mailbox, there was a bill. I knew I didn't want to open it or even acknowledge it so I did what I often (always) do and put it under my coat on the back seat of my car. That way, I wouldn't have to deal with it.

You see.. as I mentioned, I've done this before.. and the outcome has never been good. What usually happens is, even though I'm not looking at the bills, they're still accumulating and increasing at a rapid rate. Usually before I even realize what's hit me, I've lost a service (or two). Then, not only do I have to deal with paying the total bill, but I usually have outlandish administrative fees to deal with as well.

I'm mentioning this because I've noticed that this 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality has been spreading to other areas of my life/world and it's not good. You see.. I've been fooling myself. I've been hiding my weight gain under the coat on the back seat of my car. I've been hiding it in the dresser... in the laundry room... because if it's out of sight, it's out of mind.

As life would have it, much like my bills, the accumulation of my weight hit me like a ton of bricks when I was shown pictures of myself in recent times. I couldn't believe how fat I've gotten. I was in complete denial..... so.. now I have to admit that I'm fat... and I have to lose weight..AND deal with the hefty admin fees attached to the reconnect. My health is suffering big time... I'm tired.. my knees pop every time I move.. I have no energy.. I can't sleep.. and much worse... have sleep apnea. Of late, I've also been suffering from severe acid reflux.

I guess I'm sharing this because I'm trying to hold myself accountable to my health. I want to change my lifestyle and I want to stop hiding my fat in larger sizes. It's time for me to deal with everything head on... and admit when I'm having a hard time.

So.. there it is... I'm giving myself a year to lose 120 lbs... and I'd appreciate any moral support that's available.